Submitting to a timelock

Working at home I had a big problem of disturbing myself by desire to read BDSM web sites. Sometimes I just couldn't stop myself doing it. It was a big problem, “eating” a lot of my time. So I had to protect myself from my own desire (as there was no one by my side powerful enough to order me).
After some kind of research I've got a filter on my computer to cut out myself from adult sites. It's small and very easy thing to deal with. I'ts called "K9 Web Protection".  It's free and just enough to pull the leash as a reminding. And this post is not about internet security :-)
The filter setup is protected by a password. To have no access to the setup I generate random password (15 characters long) and set it. The image with password I crypt with a Time Lock tool (it crypts images for some time)

So now I set a new password every day, crypt it in the morning for all day to have no access to adult sites during work hours. And in the evening I get the password and can spend some time, reading them. Setting different parameters of the Time Lock can make life easier or harder. One day, for example, random addition to the time made me wait until nearly midnight to have some minutes of unrestricted web surfing.

This scheme seems so good:

1. I have to spend all my time working.
2. The fact of limitation makes me feels submissive during the day, and I really need it.
3. The fact that a dumb computer has a power over me adds humiliation, and that’s what makes it all even more exciting.

What's even more interesting, the scheme (setting an unmemorable password and then crypt it for some time) can easily be added by another person. Other person can set TimeLock parameters, can even keep a key and give it when he decides I deserve it. With some additional configuring a remote person can even has an access to the filter setting directly, so he can change the password and parameters without me even knowing it.

Maybe you can think some other ideas about this scheme? Feel free to share.

PS. Oh, I think I really need someone to submit to. :-)

At the wall...

At first, I must confess and thanks Miss Eve. Her SL training and degradation has some effect in RL on me. Yes, after all those words she told me about me, my nature and my place in SL, somehow my RL perception changed a bit (a bit?). From time to time I feel a need of some RL action and they become more and more wild every time.

I can remember the first anal experiments several years ago. Now it seems I really need something inside my rare. There are many more examples, but today I want to tell about some public actions. I'm not an exhibitioner, so I don't want someone to see me.However a thought about sexual activity in a public place makes me very excited.

I swim regularly. And sometimes locker room and a room with shower cubicles are absolutely empty (but there always a chance for someone to come inside). However there's a WC with a lock on the way from showers to the locker room. That gave me an idea of some semi-public activity I can afford myself.
One day I felt horny and decided to go to the WC room, and has an edge (I'm not permitted orgasms in RL) there. It was wonderfully disgusting and so humiliating: standing there before the toilet bowl and understand that everything you want is to scream and shake in a powerful orgasm and you has no permission for it. I must confess -- I liked that feeling *blushes* *blushes* *blushes*.

Some time later I repeated it once again... then one time more, standing on my knees in the WC room, feeling all  the smells of the room, hearing some people washing and going behind the door, imagine myself abused and forced to do it, feeling myself dirty, small and useless (I hate self mindfucking, but sometime it can give a lot of additional emotions).

Today I was at the pool, as usual. I had no mood for swimming, so it was not like a sport training, but just a peaceful flowing from one side of the pool to another.

I had to stop, put on clothes and move on.

After time was over, I went to the locker room. There was no one there. I felt a warmth of incipient arousal inside me. I was in the locker room and I decided to edge right there. I start pinching my nipples and very soon my breath became hard and quick. I was rubbing myself, trying to be quiet. At some point I made a step back and pushed my bottom to the cold tile wall. To make it even more sensitive, i leaned forward to touch the wall only by my ass. That gave another wave of arousal. I imagine someone's cold body touching my bottom, penetrate me, making me full of lust and desire, without any emotions in himself. I felt myself so disgraced. I looked at myself from the side: heavy breathing, leaned forward, legs spread, ass pushing to the wall, hands rubbing the most sensitive spots with a strong desire for an orgasm inside, ready to fuck anything, including a cold wall to fulfill the need for release. At this moment I had to stop touching myself to prevent orgasm. A quite moan of disappointment came out of my throat, as i understood that there are no touches for me left and I have to put on clothes and move on....

PS. I see a trend of my feelings at the pool locker room and I'm afraid how far will it get.

PPS. Picture source is another blog.

Things I like in the SL

As a training of this girl starts, Mistress Helen Schapira show her as a powerful and demanding person. She underlines that this girl is not only a pony, but a slave, that matters. And as a slave, this girl must behave and be treated certain way.
In spite of this girls begging Mistress disabled her IMs (I was having a conversation with a person, who seems to be a prof. in humiliation). Mistress banned this girl sex activity in SL, and you know it always was hard for me*winks*.
Finally, Mistress gave her slave a task to make a list of things slave likes the most in SL. She mentioned, that those things she will take away from me as a sign of my enslavement or as a punishment, if she will want to do so.
I asked Mistress about a deadline of this task, and she told, that it must be ready, as soon, as she'll see me. That's why I have to avoid SL, until this task is done. And that's by it's own is a kind of punishment :-)

I broke the list to 3 groups:
SL only related things:
- I like sitting, listening to the group chats, reading profiles. It can be interesting and you can meet interesting people there for chat or even some actions.
- I like chatting with people on different kink topics.
- I like meeting people and have some RP or action play (not with everyone, but there are some realy good RPs)
- I'm fond of looking to profiles, groups descriptions, etc., searching for some new SIMs, where I'v never been to.
- I like to visit new SIMs, explore them, maybe act a bit in them. After that I add them to my Favs., or leave them and forget about them. When there are no new SIMs to visit, I revisit my favorites, starting from the most old ones.

Semi RL
- I like to use SL as a kind of a break while i work, it makes my mind a bit clear from working thoughts and problems

RL
- SL makes me sexually excited often... and periodically i can't stand from touching myself in RL... *blushes* and I like it in SL anyway.

Ok, I think that's all. Now I'm ready to come back online and see Mistress Helen Schapira :-)

To everything...there is a season - turn, turn, turn... (c) The Birds

After some time of inactivity, problems with RL, researches in SL and RL. I'm back to SL (finally). To move further, to learn more about myself, to develop my submissive side, to learn more about myself as a submissive.

After a period of wandering through SIMs, chatting with people and making new friends, I've met a strong willed person: Mistress Helen Schapira. It happened accidentally, as many valuable things happens. I was moving through a SIM with a lot of ponyplay stuff. And on one of the circle I've two women and a ponygirl. One woman was telling another what she need to do, going round the circle. Her tone of voice was calm and steady, but at the same moment demanding and leaving no space for misunderstanding or disobedience. That was Mistress Helen Schapira. I came closer and watched them for a while... them Mistress Helen asked if I was interested in ponyplay, I answered, that it's nice, but I'm not a fan... however, when she learned that I want to try and have some gear, she told me to wear it and after that there were no chance to say "no" for me (her manner of speech just make me obey for some reason). Very soon I was running in the circle, listening to the clicks of Mistress whip.
I thought a lot next day... I definitely liked the way Mistress Helen treated me and addressed me. There is something in her manner of speech, absolutely hypnotizing me, it makes me want to obey her. And finally, I asked Mistress Helena, if she'd like to take me as her pony-slave for a trial period of one week And she agreed!
That's how it came so, that I'm owned again.

(I submits Miss Helen Schapira in stables of PPP)

I have no idea of what Mistress is planning for me as her slave. However, she has Gorean experience and has tendency to treat and address me a bit Gorean style. Maybe she will train me for it? I don't know and submit to her choice and will. And that make my submissive part spread wider inside my mind (what a pleasant feeling).

PS. Mistress Helen Schapira is not against this blog, so, hope I will have more things to share with you here.

The last talk

Today, Miss Eve told her decision on her property fate.
But to start from the beginning, it must be said that whore offered Miss Eve to broaden her domination to some parts of whore RL too (doesn't it seem very natural?). Whore wrote a document, terms parts of RL, where Miss Eve has all rights to guide whore, and some parts, that can be called limits and hard limits.
Miss Eve agreed to think about it and vanishes for some period of time (RL deals, you know). Whore was busy with RL for some time too.
Finally the talk took place.

To make story short, whore has to say that Miss Eve thought a lot and taking in consideration some RL aspect of whore's life (changing RL life, and it's changing with the help of Miss Eve too), Miss decided to let whore free in RL. Even more, Miss Eve made a decision to let whore free in SL too.

So, from now on, this whore is not a property of Miss Eve any more (*sighs and sobs*) and is absolutely free SL person.
That's it. That's the end of this beautiful story of SL degradation.
At list for this time.

I hope, after some rehabilitation time I will continue my way toward deep humiliation, as I feel a deep need in it. Maybe I'll find some owner, who's interested in such an experience. Maybe it will be some short stories about different adventures. Who knows?!

However, I hope this blog will not die.

PS. If some of readers has any ideas, offers or something -- you are welcome to leave your contacts in comments -- I'll contact you in SL.

Emotional mix

Today was a very peculiar day (night, to be precise).
Whore had a free day in RL and spent a lot of time reading different blogs, forums about all BDSM aspects. In the evening Miss could came online to see her property. Miss wanted to talk to whore and asked her different question, whore told Miss her SL story (from the very beginning): about her unowned period, about some experience with banishment, and all whore's owners.
After that Miss lead whore back to a playroom. Whore was alone at that moment in RL and asked if she can wear RL clips or even play with herself (that was the first time whore asked permission for playing in RL). Miss was surprised (whore was surprised with her own question too). Miss told whore to put clips and pass course 2 times in a row before it.Whore passed, not for the first attempt, but has passed.

(new course picture)

Miss granted whore a permission to play with herself, but demanded to describe what was going on in RL. Whore offered Miss to guide her in playing and Miss agreed.
Miss started slowly and didn't want to be quick, however whore was already horny. Miss leaded whore telling how and where she must touch herself, how hard and so on. Whore tried to react as quickly, as she could. Miss grins doing it and put remarks like: "It suits you whore" from time to time. That made whore blushing, but very-very horny(RL). Finally whore was rubbing herself fiercely, moaning out loud and humping on her chair. For some RL reasons, (whore limits) Miss can't permit whore to have an orgasm (and whore can't grant it to herself too), that's why whore had to stop herself at the edge.Whore was shaking from desire and lust. Whore wants only one thing -- more stimulation. But Miss Eve told to stop and whore couldn't disobey.
All that was so unexpected, strange, humiliating and at the same time excited and delightful. Miss told whore to pass the course one more time and whore did it reeling from side to side(SL) with shaking hands on the mouse(RL). But whore made it from the first attempt. After that whore begged for some more touchings, but Miss denied and ordered whore not to play with herself one more hour. That was hard for whore and so wise for Miss, as the first 10-50 minutes from the edge are filled with the desire most of all.
After that Miss talked to whore for some more time and discussed what had happened. Figured out, everyone enjoyed the "incident". And that made whore hope for continuation some day.

After logging out from SL, whore thought a lot about what had happened. And how it can effect her RL. Finally whore concluded, that it has positive sides:

1. Whore should be guided and limited in playing with herself in RL and now Miss can do it, if she'd like to, of course.
2. Whore deals better with orders from some other people, then with selfmade decisions and ordered by Miss whore can be more often denied, then before.
3. Now Miss can influence not only whore's avatar in SL, but also RL person and even (oh, God!) make some RL punishments for RL and SL faults (for making whore better property in SL and better submissive in RL).
4. Miss, knowing now much more about whore, didn't move away from whore and seemed even liked what is going on.
5. Miss has more opportunities and directions to develop her... mm... relations with whore.

But there are some negative sides too:

1. Whore has some moral responsibilities in RL and should be very careful not to brake or make harm to them.
2. Whore should now be very careful, as mixing RL and SL can lead to something bad (but can be a way to something very good too!!!)

And now, whore has a real mix of emotions inside: desire to continue and see what will this lead to, fear from unknown and unexpected (but really wanted) RL power exchange.

New goals, old ways

Whore was not writing much for the last several weeks.
There were holidays and a lot of thing to do before and after them.
Miss Eve seems to have nearly the same and whore had not seen Miss for a long time (just could exchange offline messages and rarely chat online with out any time for full actions)

And at last, she managed to meet her property. Whore was very glad. Main news were: an addition to the whore's training course (sorry, have no picture at a moment), and that Miss has changed her mind about her property degradation.

Miss told that, degradation was not really her kind of things, but she doesn't refuse the ownership, but wants to treat her whore another way. What way? Well, Miss told (as whore could understand) more traditional way for slaves and will try to make this whore suitable for being proud with. Miss said that some day (not a close future) she will go out with her property back to the public (whore was not in public SIMs for several months already).

However, Miss mentioned, that whore's place will be at the floor and not an inch higher.

After all that, whore was left alone and had some time to think about all those news.
Whore really wants Miss Eve to be proud of her property and to be better, but has no idea how to do it. That's why whore thought about it and here's the list of things whore thinks she can (and maybe must?) to improve:

1. Do her best to complete every Miss' order.
2. Test and (hope) prove (practically) whore's devotion and faithfulness to Miss Eve.
3. Make less writing and grammar mistakes.
4. Learn to answer short and clear
5. Learn not to make a lot of talking here and there (be quiet, until is asked directly)
6. Learn to feel her place and state every second of being near Miss and even without her.
7. Develop submission in any kind and sense Miss wants whore to do it.