Caged

A lot of days passed after bitch was beaten and healed. A lot of RL work had to be done, and not so many time bitch has spend online. But from time to time she managed to com online and met Miss Eve to talk or maybe even some action.

The most important things were that bitch accepted the fact, that Miss Alvie had all the rights to beat her to death or what ever else she wanted. And all bitch’s inside conflict is nothing that her unreadiness to accept the complete owner right for this bitch’s SL time, thoughts, deeds, body, soul and everything else bitch has got (but not owns now).

Another important step was that Miss Eve started to lock this bitch in cages with no timer and left for unknown time with no opportunity to escape.

During discussions and plays, Miss Eve started to underline the stupidity of bitch and bitch has caught herself on a thought that she’s become more stupid and sometimes acts not as a woman, but as a complete whore (oh, bitch’s face become red from that thoughts).

So, time is going, Miss’ Eve training is having it results. That’s so exciting and so scary at the same time. Bitch is a bit frightened to loose her humanity completely and have no chance to recover to a common girl after that training… But well, that what she wanted, when she started all that (and still want to continue going this way).

Last days Miss Eve was away (gone for weekend) and she left bitch in a cage (locked, no timer, not picklock, with taken keys – no chance to escape overall). Bitch has got a task, to write her thoughts about:

1. the meaning of the collar,
2. the meaning of being imprisoned,
3. what this bitch in SL now.

Well, those questions are not so easy as they can seem at the first sight. As for collar, bitch is not mentioning it at all, while it doesn’t need an upgrade (in that cases the popup is really start annoying). Bitch can’t even think her life without collar, without it restrictions (bitch has some feelings of discomfort long ago, when names were shown to her). But even knowing about all that restrictions, bitch don’t think about them as a collar stuff (bitch knows that they are), but bitch thinks of them as a Miss power over slave, permanent reminder of her submission and her place. That’s why collar is very useful to bitch, but has no meaning as a collar itself.

Bitch is now locked all the time, while unused by Miss or some of her friends. And bitch is happy about it. Bitch has now no problems to decide where to go and what to do. Bitch has no seduction to play, or to ask to play with others (when people see bitch in the cage, locked and no chance to be freed they quickly loose interest to her and walk by, making bitch understand her complete uselessness). But sitting in the cage has it’s bad sides too. As this bitch is now denied to orgasm (nearly all the time), she’s permanently horny and dripping nearly all the time (oh, and you can imaging  if juices are dripping outside, what is going on inside this bitch (in her pussy and in her soul). And sometime bitch feels sad being ignored and can’t even talk to some people 9as they are standing far, and bitch can only whisper and can’t IM to unknown persons). But that’s all make this bitch remember, what she’s now and where’s her place to be at. And bitch must thanks Miss Eve for that sincerely. Thank you Miss!

As for herself, bitch can’t say exactly how does she feels herself. Well, there is time, when bitch is normally accepts everything Miss is doing to her and understands her feelings and reasons for everyone attitude. And all that was desired by bitch for so long time… and now bitch has got it with all it’s “bad”s and “good”s. But from time to time, bitch is falling into some strange state of seeing what she has done to herself, understanding how deep has she fell. Understanding that there is not so much of human is left in her... and she’s not that slave, who once entered  SL RLV world… and absolutely not that girl, who logged into SL once.

There is another fact about this bitch, that Miss might know, but bitch thinks that it must be written down. Bitch started to notice, that sometimes she wants to do things she’d never wanted and never would do before training starts. One of the examples is that she asked Miss to whip bitch, instead of Miss Alive… During bitch’s imprisonment bitch wanted to beg people going by to fuck her and give her some sexual treatment. Somehow bitch stopped herself, but that was some really strange desires. And their appearance in bitch head, make her feel even more horny, then she was before. Bitch is not sure what it is and is it good or bad, and would like offer Miss Eve to decide if she needs to develop those thoughts in her property (for some goal or just for Miss’s fun).

One more interesting thing, bitch has noticed during the last days. One day, bitch was watching a movie, and there was a scene (not the main one and rather short) where some girls, handcuffed in a dirty room were shown, they were used there sexually by different guys. And bitch placed herself there immediately. That was so hot and so thrilling, that bitch soon started to worry, if she’ll get too horny from all that. Everything was fine, but bitch thought about some kind of sexual renting and such kind of things… if Miss wants it.

One more things, bitch was thinking about and didn’t mention in this diary. Bitch thought about body transformation play some days ago. And told about it to Miss Eve. Bitch can give a copy of her shape to Miss Eve and Miss can transform it how she thinks this bitch will look better, and give it back and force bitch to wear… This will be another small step for complete submission and may be will please Miss, making her feel one more side of ownership.

Healing and reward

After the last whipping bitch can’t feel any arousal for a day and could hardly move. Miss Alvie tried her best to nurse, and did not play much. At the end of the day, when the numbness started to get away, bitch was given a series of orgasms. They were wonderful and so desirable. That marked the end of bitch’s body healing process, but her mental health was still broken. Bitch could hardly make herself get back to SL, and was really afraid of Miss Alvie for a week.

And nearly after a week bitch could manage to get to SL for some rather long time, and met Miss Eve. That made bitch very happy, as she understood how easy it was with Miss Eve, and how deep Miss Eve feels bitch.

A pet beating.

As Miss Alvie has got this bitch for a whole 2 weeks, she started to keep this bitch in the cage and get her out only for a play. As the cage is placed in Miss Alvie and Miss Eve’s house, bitch is not walking much. The main device this bitch is used on is a bamboo frame, where bitch is hanged and teased, denied, shocked by chastity, made to beg for orgasm and then shocked and denied again. That exhausts, but brings some feeling of submission and dependence. And that was wonderful.

Once Miss Alvie told bitch to name herself in different unpleasant  and humiliating ways. For some reason that was new to this bitch and brought some new feelings… And that was realy interesting.

But later on (maybe some days later) Miss Alvie has brought a guy with her. And she wanted to try this bitch to get and orgasm from whipping (as bitch wrote about episode, when she has got to the edge, while Miss Eve was whipping her at the post). This time Miss Alvie wanted bitch to come and even got her chastity off. After some strokes bitch understood that she does not feel any arousal from that, but only pain…dull pain, getting more and more, again and again… Bitch tried to tell Miss Alvie, that arousal is not getting up, but Miss Alvie’s boy was going on… bitch counted… cried, please, begged and counted on… that was really long and painful… bitch stop feel any arousal at nearly 40 and the last number she remembers was 53… after that there was dark and pain free period of unconsciousness. Bitch came to senses laying on the floor with completely read ass and numb pussy, unable to make a stand up or even move… Miss Alvie and her friend were sitting near by, trying to wake her up.

Miss Alvie was very anxious about bitch and send her friend away as quick as possible. Bitch could hardly walk, unable to feel any type of arousal and hardly speak. Bitch was placed into the cage and left for healing her wounds.

This was an outstanding event in this bitch’s life.

First, bitch was beaten really hard for nothing and who knows, maybe could be killed, just to have fun of an unknown person.

Second, bitch for the first time in her sub life wanted to run away from Miss (and couldn’t).

Third, bitch understood that some people can’t hear others, even when there is no other connection between them, except chat… and that’s a sad fact about SL (bitch knew this fact about RL, and seems to hope that SL differs).

SL submission meaning in RL

Miss Alive told this bitch to write down her thoughts about meaning of SL submission of this bitch in her RL. And bitch started to think about it.

At first there are some facts, that bitch must say:

1. Bitch has been interested in BDSM in RL for nearly 10 years, trying different things with the help of some people (sexual partners) and herself.
2. Bitch can’t say she’s a complete sub in RL and switches from time to time.
3. Bitch had come to SL to explore and develop her submissive side.

So all this facts make her attitude to SL submission serious and as less a playful, as it can be. Bitch feels a great turn on from domination, from restrains and especially from humiliation in SL (well, domination and retrains make bitch hot in RL too, and real, strong humiliations was not tried in RL, yet). As a matter of fact,  restrains, sexual acts, even pain are completely illusive in SL. And only relations and emotions can be felt for real (but well, can be still played and not be real at all). And that’s why these are the main interest of this bitch in SL, as they can be felt in RL too. That’s why bitch is trying to explore emotional side of submission as she can (and she can do it in SL rather well). And this bitch will be glad to try any other mindfucking games in SL too.

As for RL, submissive feelings are growing here too. And as this bitch has a family in RL and her partner is partly in dominating her, the developing of submissive side is a very good thing too.

There was one good example, when bitch was begging owners for an orgasm and was denied and beaten for her bad behavior. Later that day in RL was a sexual play, during which bitch was brought to an edge and denied several times… All together make bitch nearly cry and beg for orgasm in RL… hopefully RL was much softer and bitch came that night.

Bitch would like to get some BDSM play out of SL and put it into RL, but thinks that mixing those L’s together is not a good thing at all.

Bitch lending

Miss Eve made variants for this bitch more precise:

1. Miss Alvie will decide if bitch has an orgasm or not (so, bitch will ask her every time, she wants to cum).
2. Miss Alvie will have this bitch for two weeks to the fullest use.

Bitch thought one more time and did not change her decision, as she’s afraid of giving right to decide about her orgasms to Alvie (and this bitch don’t know Alvie too much).

So, from this day to 2 weeks this bitch belongs to Miss Alvie (and she demands now to be called Miss too). And the play, Alvie started was a human-animal. Miss Alvie started rough from the first seconds. Miss Alvie put this bitch to a pet cage, where bitch can’t do anything, and only Miss (and maybe other people outside of the cage) can make bitch drink, sleep, and many other things and bitch has no chance to reject it.

And Miss Alvie started to use her power. At first she asked if bitch wants to drink and gave her some water in the bowl… and then she took of her pants and climbed up on the cage… bitch knew what was going to happen… yes, Miss Alvie peed on bitch, making all of her smell like dirty toilet sit. And then she made this bitch to drink the rest of her urine from her bowl. A bit later bitch was licking Miss Alvie’s ass, trying to please her. That all was so weird. Along with that Miss Alvie named this bitch a pet and asked her who is this bitch… this bitch answered that she’s a bitch and Miss Alvie’s pet, but Miss wanted more answers… and was very angry with that  bitch, that even stepped on her hand and stay on it, until bitch said that she’s a whore (adding to all previous names).

This bitch was so surprised with that fact, and even told Miss that that was unfair, but Miss Alvie remarked that life is unfair and went on in her actions. Now, writing all this, bitch understands how wrong she behaved, as she did not get, that Miss Alvie wanted bitch to humiliate herself, naming her different unpleasant names.

At the end Miss Alvie told bitch to think about what SL submission means to this bitch in her RL. And that’s another part of today post.

Punishment, Alvie and more steps to the unknown

This bitch was waiting for punishment for her slow reaction this evening. Some das ago, bitch asked one Miss to lock her (as she logged off and Miss Eve couldn’t lock bitch herself). Miss willingly agreed and this bitch wanted to give her a leash to herself, but failed to do it through collar menu and Miss waited a bit, getting angry with this bitch. Miss locked bitch on a cross, high about entrance of the SIM for everyone to see her naked and dripping with sweat and lust. But she had send IM to Miss Eve about this bitch slowness and Miss Eve decided to punish this bitch for it. Some days bitch was not very long in SL and was thinking about punishment with fear. But weekend came and bitch had enough time to get all punishments Miss had planed for her. In fact, punishment was a whipping… hard and long, but still only that. But there was one strange thing in all that. During that whipping, this bitch felt aroused… very aroused, hot, horny as hell! And as Miss gave her a stroke after a stroke, bitch was dripping, mooing from pain and lust. That was completely strange for this bitch, and she understood that her body is acting by itself, not mentioning her will and mind. That was something really new and strange.

With the last whip stroked this bitch came so close to orgasm, that chastity belt shocked her to prevent her from cuming. That was only the first strange feeling that day.

After punishment was done, and bitch thanked Miss for that, Miss Eve told, that Alvie will play with this bitch today (!!!). Miss was searching for someone to give this bitch to for some time, but Alvie was not even in a list of candidacies, when she was a slave. This bitch nodded (what else she can do?!) and Miss Eve added Alvie to the second owners list of this bitch.

Very soon Alvie came, leashed bitch and dragged her to the bamboo shibari stand, where this bitch was placed  spread, opened for a view of any people going by (and that frame was near the often used path). Alvie was not so shy any more, and very quickly showed this bitch her place. The pose of this bitch was so opened, and Alvie liked the work of chastity shock so much, that she licked this bitch for several edges and at the end bitch was so hot, that can hardly think about anything except orgasms. She begged to have one and made a very (as she learned later) mistake. Bitch asked Miss Eve (she was watching all the action, sitting nearby) to permit bitch’s cumming. And Alvie became furious. She told that she was playing with this bitch and she must decide that… Miss Eve laughed, as she knew, Alvie was going to permit this bitch to orgasm, but now bitch spoiled everything. Alvie changed in a second. Now she was not a girl, amusing herself with a new toy, but she was a demanding Mistress, in anger, going to give a sever punishment for disobedience. That was scary!

Alvie places bitch on her knees and started to discuss punishment with Miss Eve… and at this moment bitch felt something completely new in her mind. She was scared, she was humiliated, she was lost, her thoughts seemed to vanish from her head, and clear feeling where left, feelings, that could not be said, as there were no words in bitch’s head at that moment. So, bitch stood on her knees, chained, struggling to escape, stay and take her punishment, please Miss, beg for mercy and drink another gulp of coca-cola (oh, that was from RL already, but bitch’s mind was lost not in SL, but in RL!!!).

Emotions were overfilling this bitch and she posted some strange messages to local chat, like a madman, mumbling something incomprehensible. After some minutes this insanity ended, and bitch got back to reality, where Miss Eve was staring at her and trying to get what is going on.

Alvie helped this bitch to come to reality quicker, starting to punish her with a whip. Bitch’s body was tender from past edges and skin was already hurt by Miss Eve (during last punishment)  and every stroke was a hard for this bitch. And during that Miss Eve told, that she was not satisfied with Alvie, and wanted to whip her too! And every stroke, that Alvie will not give to this bitch, Miss Eve will give to Alvie…It was not a strange thing at all, this bitch knew such ways to influence people… but suddenly, in spite of her own pain and tears (oh, that day bitch cried a lot – from pain, from edges and inability to cum, from humiliation and fear… completely emotional imbalance!) bitch offered to take all Alvies’ strokes, to save Alvie from punishment… this bitch didn’t even understand what she had done, but it was late to change anything… And that was another strange act for this bitch that day.

However punishment was done. Bitch had no strength to stay and fell on the ground as soon, as she was unchained. Bitch’s face was all in tears and sweat, her ass and back were red and ached awfully, but she thanked Alvie for treatment like a good property. Avie left bitch with Miss Eve. Bitch was exhausted, but still wanted to cum badly. Miss Eve told bitch to get back to writing her diary (as butch had not write a line for nearly two weeks) and dragged her to the jail. When bitch was locked in a cell, Miss told bitch about her idea, to give Alvie right to decide, if this bitch can cum or not. And this decision will be made once, and stayed for all Miss Eve’s ownership period. This bitch was frightened, but can say nothing against, as bitch has no right to decide. But bitch hoped to that Miss will left a chance to her to cum. Bitch imagined the situation of permanent orgasm ban, and realized how awful it will be. Then she remembered that complete orgasm denial is a part of her own degradation plan, and how easy it was then to write it down, and how hard it’s now to accept even opportunity of this denial. Thoughts messed in this bitch’s head one more time. Bitch felt fear, humiliation and lust (oh, why??? Why does thoughts about orgasm denial make this bitch hot and wet?!). And that was nothing bitch can do with all that.

Some time later Miss Eve came back to this bitch cell and told her, that she can give this bitch a choice: make Alvie decide the orgasm future of this bitch, or serve Alvie for 2 weeks (as Alvie was so mad with anger at this bitch, that one day can’t contain all punishments Alvie wants to perform on this bitch). This bitch had to think about it and give an answer next day…

Bitch thought a lot… and understood, that however, Miss Eve and Alvie has all opportunity to deprive this bitch any chance to get orgasm, they can punish her and humiliate her any way they want and bitch can’t say a word against it (and even more, bitch will do nearly anything for a chance of release). And that’s why whatever this bitch will choose, Miss Eve and Alvie can do what they want and make this bitch choice insignificant.

Submissive feelings

During a period this bitch is describing now (26/05/2010-03/06/2010) there were not so much SL events (except talks to Alvie and Miss Eve about their relations). But there was one thought in this bitch’s mind, and it should be placed in this diary, without doubts.

During one talk to Miss Eve this bitch was asked about something, that Miss Eve can decide for this bitch and even don’t ask this bitch opinion, as there’s no matter what a chair (or some other property) thinks about your decision concerning them. And bitch wanted to tell Miss about it, but stopped as she understood that she still has some things, not wanting Miss Eve to decide about her. And those things were about money (currently on her SL account) and her inventory (as bitch is developing some devices, as you know). And that made this bitch a bit confused, and gave a start to a long dialog inside her about fullness of her submission. Finally, this bitch decided, that she has to be completely submitted to her owner, without conditions and exceptions.

So now this bitch is sure, that she must be completely submitted to her owner in all parts concerning SL (this bitch doesn’t mix SL and RL).

That was a step to something new in understanding and feeling of submission for this bitch. And a lot more step will follow!

PS. Miss Eve once, gave this bitch a choice, what to be trained into – a whore/thing or an animal. And this bitch couldn’t chose, as she wanted to try animal play very much, but feels herself no enough degradated. And asked Miss to give a chance to both directions, one by one… Miss Eve grins evilly, and had not answered. Now bitch has no idea what sort of training is going on, but hopes to learn about it soon.