Out of mind...

It was really a hard day. Well, not a day, but all the period of time (for the last week or too). And today was just a mind blowing one. However whore had nearly half an hour to stay online and automatically launched SL and  wrote Miss about her abilities and time.
It seemed, that Miss Eve came very quick, or maybe whore's mind just couldn't keep pace with the time. Miss started with her usual manner, setting things and parameters for her property: put bits and bridle on whore, remind her that she has no permission to talk and will be punished, if she will. Whore could only nod, and that was not only because she had no choice, but there was no strength for something else.

Then Miss started to making plans on what she's going to do with whore, whore nods, trying to get the meanings of her words, deeds and gestures. Everything was in some kind of mental fog, thoughts were starting and breaking not completed. Some words were coming to whore through that fog, some were left there for eternity. One time Miss phrase cut the fog: "Remember, you are mine, whore", and whore manged to focus her eyes on Miss and nods confidently, but then fog came back.

Miss decided to ask whore questions and punish her for every wrong or not correct answer. Whore hoped that it would be a training to her to give a direct answer with less words, then usual. But Miss started with a simple question, that needed whore to strain her mind just a bit: "Three basic values in BDSM?", whore tried to think, could remember them in her native language, but could translate only two of them, and completely failed to watch  quickly into the vocabulary.

But that was nearly the end... fog in the whore's mind was getting dense and whore hardly could understand anything that was going on not only in SL, but in RL too. Whore understood that it was her last chance to move to the kennel, because some minutes later she would fail to do even this. Miss asked something else, whore answered something, they moved to the couch, but that was just like in a dream, very sticky hard dream... and finally whore could find strength to ask Miss to let her log off. It was a moment, when whore's world (RL first of all) screwed in something abnormal, frightening and disgusting. Whore needed to do something with that, alone. That's why whore made all excuses she could and ran to the kennel. A moment in kennel before logging off was painted in a color of safety and peace. But there was a whole screwed ugly world around whore to fix. And whore logged off.



PS. World was screwed and ugly all that night and fixed up only after a good sleep. Now whore is fine, and very busy with her job.

New point of view

Last day whore came online for some small amount of time and felt an urge to pass through the dog-training course. Whore just can't resist and spent next half an hour running over and over the logs, jumping over walls and passing through tube and tumbler. Whore found out some specific things about her movements (whore can move only on all four of her laps) and behavior of some parts of the course. Whore found out the action made by a SPACE button while movements. Whore was training overall (with no order, with no conscious reason). When time was over, whore wen to her kennel and understood she really likes what she were doing and she was doing it to perform better before Miss next time.

Some days after the "next time" came. Miss Eve called Alvie to see whore at passing the course. And whore failed. For some unknown reason whore felt very nervous and unsure and felt from the log between two high object at first, and then missed a the last log (leading to the ground). Whore felt awful, nearly crying. As whore was in ML whore didn't look up at Miss Eve or Alvie... Miss was not satisfied with whore's performance too, but gave whore another chance and on the third time whore passed the course completely without mistakes. That makes whore a bit more happier. Whore even afford herself to look up at Miss Eve and Alvie.Whore saw a picture like this (see below):

(whore's new point of view)

And whore understood how right her position was. Whore feels no right to look at others otherwise, then upward. The feeling was intensified by the fact, that Miss Eve and Alvie were discussing something about this whore, without not even mentioning this whore presence. Like talking about some animal or even an object (and that's again very near to the reality for now).
Oh, it's so had to describe the mix of feelings from that moment. Here's just some of them:

• joy and happiness from completing the course, completing Miss order, being near Miss
• humiliation from being lowed to the ground and being muted, and restricted to ML,
• arouse from being humiliated and having nothing to do with that,
• even more aroused from being aroused from such awful and shameful things,
• submission to any decision of Miss Eve and 
• readiness to complete any Miss Eve order

Alvie has something else to do and leave very quick after that. Miss Eve lead this whore to a skybox (a fireplace) and had a talk with her. Yes, Miss Eve removed bits and bridle (with chat restrictions) and asked several questions. One of them was how whore feels about getting a OC Collar back. And whore felt really nothing about that and answered just common words about submitting to any Miss decisions. That was a mistake, as Miss wanted to get a direct answer about whore feeling. And after some tips from Miss, whore finally answered: "Whore feels ready for that, Miss". That was the answer Miss liked, but as it was said not at once, Miss decided to lock this whore into the cage for a 30 minutes, to have whore think about her style of answering (yes, it's a huge problem, as this whore can't answer short and direct,  always writing a lot about all questions aspects and some aspect laying close to the subject). Well, maybe it's just another story, and whore will write about it some time later...

Pet's feelings

Today whore finally met her owner again online (for some RL reasons whore was not online for more then a week). Whore was very-very glad, in spite of she can't say how glad she was, because of bits and bridle and chat restrictions. But hope Miss understood everything by a wide whore's smile.
Miss showed a new training course for her pet (this whore) and ordered to go through it. Unfortunately whore didn't notice the start mark and tried to pass it from the finish. After several remarks from Miss whore felt herself so silly (just like a stupid little puppy *blushes*). At last whore saw the green mark of the beginning and passed through it.
The course consists of a jumping area, climbing log and a log at some height, a pipe, a tumbler (where you can go only over the green spinning line) with a water bath under it, a log to come down to the ground level. You can see it all at a picture right below.

(a training ground for a dog-whore)

But whore must spoil before spin and failed the first pass completely: too long jumps and a fall down from tumbler. Miss demanded another try and that time whore completed the path. After landing to the finish spot, whore came to Miss with the overflowing feeling of happiness from completing Miss command. Whore tried to express it some way, but could only smile happily, listening Miss telling whore was a good pet. The only thin whore thought at that moment was th thought that she has made Miss Eve happy. And that thought was filling whore's soul with pleasure and joy. So whore looked upward at Miss with a happy smile on her face.

Right at that moment Miss Eve said: "I want you to think about something Whore. Look at how you are sitting here, bit and bridle, cuffs on, chasted.Over all, leashed to an owner, nothing more then an animal, not even with behavior. I tell you to do or not to do something, you obey. I want to know how this feels for you whore.". Whore had no chance to answer Miss at that moment (as pet was gagged by bits and bridle). And now whore can answer Miss: "Wonderful!". Whore has no idea how it works, but it works for her and that's absolutely clear. For some reason understanding the fact of all restrictions, total power exchange, absolute control and complete dependence makes this whore want to say something, but not anything particular, want to go somewhere, but nowhere particular and as a result -- whore stands still and silent. And the only thing, that can get whore out of that state is an order of her owner.
This is a mysterious feeling for whore, as she can't understand it, can't analyze it, but can watch it again and again inside her mind (in RL!!!!). And that's whore is thankful Miss Eve for.

PS. Maybe some day whore will find out the source and mechanism of that feeling, but as for now, whore will just feel it and be happy with it. Thank you again, Miss Eve for this wonderful emotional gift.

Dog-whore

Today Miss Eve said that she'd prefer this whore to be trained as her dog-whore. That means no more milking but dog-training. Miss said, that she's gonna build an agility-course for this whore. And she even showed an example of it's part. Whore tried to pass some part of it, and found out that it was not so easy. But much more easy in the mouselook (ML).
Some words about ML. ML is not handy for chat. That's why whore doesn't use it very often (who does?). Switching to it was some kind of restriction, whore has to make to herself. And after having to switch into this mode, whore felt even more restricted and helpless, then before (having no inventory, teleport, map, names and radar) and very depended on Miss. This feeling was a surprise for whore (she had not felt something like this for a long-long time), but a very pleasant surprise... as whore likes this feeling so much! Another thing ML is good for -- it forces whore to focus all her attention to the SL window, as there's not chat history in it and everything that was said is disappearing after some time from the screen.
All this brought whore to a thought, that ML can mark some mode of this whore's mind (like in the blog of Alternative mindset, where a girl mark her state of a doll by wearing a sepia lens, if whore is not mistaken), mind of a non-human being, a dog or any other animal Miss wants this whore to be. Whore liked this mode so much, that even asked if Misss can lock her to ML (unfortunately there's no such an option in the collar). However, now whore has a new marker of her mind state, and it can be a good anchor (of being in this state, and then even bring whore to this state) and can be used in further whore development as Miss Eve's dog-whore.

Another thing whore has to do now, as a dog -- is to crawl on her knees and hands. That seems very natural for a new state of this whore.

PS. Sorry for this post being a bit muddled, and a bit late. For some RL reasons there was no chance for this whore to post it earlier and be online too. Hope everything will be OK from now on... at least for some time, as whore missed Miss Eve a lot during this period of silence.

Half birthday

Sorry for not posting for some period -- a lot of things to get care of in "out of internet life". But some days later Miss asked if this whore can be online today (08/11/2010), as it will be some special date. And whore answered "yes, Miss" (what else she can afford to answer?).
Whore wondered what will be special on that day... there were several ideas:

1. Miss will have some special treat for this whore (maybe including some other people to come to some time)
2. It will be some special date, like Miss birthday, Whore's birthday (is it???) or something like that

Well, whore was partly right in every idea.

When Miss came online to this whore, She told that right a half year ago Miss met this whore and they get acquainted. So it's a kind of birthday (by half) of their SL relations. Well, that's absolutely true (whore could check it in her blog) and everyone can read about it in the post "Training with Miss Eve Wildmist".
After that day a lot of things have happened. And finally, whore is here, at a place she's now. But this post is not about whore's place in SL. This post is about some gifts Miss favorably gave this whore.

The first thing whore was given -- was a new set of collar and cuffs from dominatech (it's called iControl). Whore is only learning what it is to wear it, and at first it seemed not so comfortable as the OC Collar (especially because of chat commands absence), but hope it's more comfortable for Miss to use it, cause only this matters.
The most impressing thing about this collar was the paragraph from it's manual about total control.  It says, that in a special mode of owning, slave can be sold or just given to any other person, having no chance to prevent this (hope Miss will not use it, but whore understands, she has full right for that at any time and without any explanations for this whore). Whore shivered, reading that... and after Miss permission, turn that mode on.

Another gift, Miss Eve gave her whore that day, was a new chastity belt from T&T (Do they have a site to give a link to?). Whore tried a demo version of it later and thinks it's a powerful device, but too expensive for it's functions (most of functions are nearly the same, any collar has). But however, no one can choose gifts, and no chance for a slave to go against the will of an owner.

(whore in her new equipment, listening to Miss Eve)

From this day  whore wears all that (and only that) permanently and very thankful to Miss for her attention, attitude and training. And now whore has some new things to learn how to operate.