Emotional mix

Today was a very peculiar day (night, to be precise).
Whore had a free day in RL and spent a lot of time reading different blogs, forums about all BDSM aspects. In the evening Miss could came online to see her property. Miss wanted to talk to whore and asked her different question, whore told Miss her SL story (from the very beginning): about her unowned period, about some experience with banishment, and all whore's owners.
After that Miss lead whore back to a playroom. Whore was alone at that moment in RL and asked if she can wear RL clips or even play with herself (that was the first time whore asked permission for playing in RL). Miss was surprised (whore was surprised with her own question too). Miss told whore to put clips and pass course 2 times in a row before it.Whore passed, not for the first attempt, but has passed.

(new course picture)

Miss granted whore a permission to play with herself, but demanded to describe what was going on in RL. Whore offered Miss to guide her in playing and Miss agreed.
Miss started slowly and didn't want to be quick, however whore was already horny. Miss leaded whore telling how and where she must touch herself, how hard and so on. Whore tried to react as quickly, as she could. Miss grins doing it and put remarks like: "It suits you whore" from time to time. That made whore blushing, but very-very horny(RL). Finally whore was rubbing herself fiercely, moaning out loud and humping on her chair. For some RL reasons, (whore limits) Miss can't permit whore to have an orgasm (and whore can't grant it to herself too), that's why whore had to stop herself at the edge.Whore was shaking from desire and lust. Whore wants only one thing -- more stimulation. But Miss Eve told to stop and whore couldn't disobey.
All that was so unexpected, strange, humiliating and at the same time excited and delightful. Miss told whore to pass the course one more time and whore did it reeling from side to side(SL) with shaking hands on the mouse(RL). But whore made it from the first attempt. After that whore begged for some more touchings, but Miss denied and ordered whore not to play with herself one more hour. That was hard for whore and so wise for Miss, as the first 10-50 minutes from the edge are filled with the desire most of all.
After that Miss talked to whore for some more time and discussed what had happened. Figured out, everyone enjoyed the "incident". And that made whore hope for continuation some day.

After logging out from SL, whore thought a lot about what had happened. And how it can effect her RL. Finally whore concluded, that it has positive sides:

1. Whore should be guided and limited in playing with herself in RL and now Miss can do it, if she'd like to, of course.
2. Whore deals better with orders from some other people, then with selfmade decisions and ordered by Miss whore can be more often denied, then before.
3. Now Miss can influence not only whore's avatar in SL, but also RL person and even (oh, God!) make some RL punishments for RL and SL faults (for making whore better property in SL and better submissive in RL).
4. Miss, knowing now much more about whore, didn't move away from whore and seemed even liked what is going on.
5. Miss has more opportunities and directions to develop her... mm... relations with whore.

But there are some negative sides too:

1. Whore has some moral responsibilities in RL and should be very careful not to brake or make harm to them.
2. Whore should now be very careful, as mixing RL and SL can lead to something bad (but can be a way to something very good too!!!)

And now, whore has a real mix of emotions inside: desire to continue and see what will this lead to, fear from unknown and unexpected (but really wanted) RL power exchange.

New goals, old ways

Whore was not writing much for the last several weeks.
There were holidays and a lot of thing to do before and after them.
Miss Eve seems to have nearly the same and whore had not seen Miss for a long time (just could exchange offline messages and rarely chat online with out any time for full actions)

And at last, she managed to meet her property. Whore was very glad. Main news were: an addition to the whore's training course (sorry, have no picture at a moment), and that Miss has changed her mind about her property degradation.

Miss told that, degradation was not really her kind of things, but she doesn't refuse the ownership, but wants to treat her whore another way. What way? Well, Miss told (as whore could understand) more traditional way for slaves and will try to make this whore suitable for being proud with. Miss said that some day (not a close future) she will go out with her property back to the public (whore was not in public SIMs for several months already).

However, Miss mentioned, that whore's place will be at the floor and not an inch higher.

After all that, whore was left alone and had some time to think about all those news.
Whore really wants Miss Eve to be proud of her property and to be better, but has no idea how to do it. That's why whore thought about it and here's the list of things whore thinks she can (and maybe must?) to improve:

1. Do her best to complete every Miss' order.
2. Test and (hope) prove (practically) whore's devotion and faithfulness to Miss Eve.
3. Make less writing and grammar mistakes.
4. Learn to answer short and clear
5. Learn not to make a lot of talking here and there (be quiet, until is asked directly)
6. Learn to feel her place and state every second of being near Miss and even without her.
7. Develop submission in any kind and sense Miss wants whore to do it.

Task done

Today whore had finally complete Miss Eve task, that was given to her at 23/10/2010. 
Whore had build a table, where a person can be locked, stuffed it with a script, working exact Miss Eve told. And today whore had finished a story, that includes some BDSM actions with an object like that.
Frankly speaking whore had planned much longer story with a bit longer plot, but finish it will be too long. That's why whore posts today the first part of it. Hope you will all like it. 
Please, feel free to comment (whore will try to correct spelling and all other mistakes in it).


Not to make a mess in this blog, whore has made a separate page for this story. The story is called "Jane"

Old course, new conditions

For the last week whore was rather busy at RL work and has not much time for SL. Nearly the same Miss Eve had. Whore still can't overcome her desire to train passing the course Miss build.But today whore tried to motivate herself for better performance.
First whore wants to tell, that she feels herself really horny due to some RL reasons. And an idea flashed in whore's head, while passing the course -- add some RL addition to push whore make course without mistakes as much times in a row, as she can.Whore likes a mix of pain and pleasure, and she saw 2 clothespins, that's why whore decided to put them on her nipples and play a game with following rules:

Thanks for a picture to this blog

1. Whore will wear clips, until she will pass course without mistakes for 4 times in a row.
2. For every mistake whore will squeeze her breasts with clips (that really hurts!)

For the first several mistakes whore had to hurt herself and start to count passes from the beginning. Finally whore managed to achieve her goal and get clips off.

That made whore so excited and aroused, that whore couldn't stop herself from telling about it to Miss Eve and ask her to include RL clips into some SL actions. After very intent look, Miss agreed.

PS. for the last week whore added herself 1 extra pass to every goal. Last time whore had to go 8 passes in a row (starting countdown once after a failure on the 6th pass).

Out of mind...

It was really a hard day. Well, not a day, but all the period of time (for the last week or too). And today was just a mind blowing one. However whore had nearly half an hour to stay online and automatically launched SL and  wrote Miss about her abilities and time.
It seemed, that Miss Eve came very quick, or maybe whore's mind just couldn't keep pace with the time. Miss started with her usual manner, setting things and parameters for her property: put bits and bridle on whore, remind her that she has no permission to talk and will be punished, if she will. Whore could only nod, and that was not only because she had no choice, but there was no strength for something else.

Then Miss started to making plans on what she's going to do with whore, whore nods, trying to get the meanings of her words, deeds and gestures. Everything was in some kind of mental fog, thoughts were starting and breaking not completed. Some words were coming to whore through that fog, some were left there for eternity. One time Miss phrase cut the fog: "Remember, you are mine, whore", and whore manged to focus her eyes on Miss and nods confidently, but then fog came back.

Miss decided to ask whore questions and punish her for every wrong or not correct answer. Whore hoped that it would be a training to her to give a direct answer with less words, then usual. But Miss started with a simple question, that needed whore to strain her mind just a bit: "Three basic values in BDSM?", whore tried to think, could remember them in her native language, but could translate only two of them, and completely failed to watch  quickly into the vocabulary.

But that was nearly the end... fog in the whore's mind was getting dense and whore hardly could understand anything that was going on not only in SL, but in RL too. Whore understood that it was her last chance to move to the kennel, because some minutes later she would fail to do even this. Miss asked something else, whore answered something, they moved to the couch, but that was just like in a dream, very sticky hard dream... and finally whore could find strength to ask Miss to let her log off. It was a moment, when whore's world (RL first of all) screwed in something abnormal, frightening and disgusting. Whore needed to do something with that, alone. That's why whore made all excuses she could and ran to the kennel. A moment in kennel before logging off was painted in a color of safety and peace. But there was a whole screwed ugly world around whore to fix. And whore logged off.



PS. World was screwed and ugly all that night and fixed up only after a good sleep. Now whore is fine, and very busy with her job.

New point of view

Last day whore came online for some small amount of time and felt an urge to pass through the dog-training course. Whore just can't resist and spent next half an hour running over and over the logs, jumping over walls and passing through tube and tumbler. Whore found out some specific things about her movements (whore can move only on all four of her laps) and behavior of some parts of the course. Whore found out the action made by a SPACE button while movements. Whore was training overall (with no order, with no conscious reason). When time was over, whore wen to her kennel and understood she really likes what she were doing and she was doing it to perform better before Miss next time.

Some days after the "next time" came. Miss Eve called Alvie to see whore at passing the course. And whore failed. For some unknown reason whore felt very nervous and unsure and felt from the log between two high object at first, and then missed a the last log (leading to the ground). Whore felt awful, nearly crying. As whore was in ML whore didn't look up at Miss Eve or Alvie... Miss was not satisfied with whore's performance too, but gave whore another chance and on the third time whore passed the course completely without mistakes. That makes whore a bit more happier. Whore even afford herself to look up at Miss Eve and Alvie.Whore saw a picture like this (see below):

(whore's new point of view)

And whore understood how right her position was. Whore feels no right to look at others otherwise, then upward. The feeling was intensified by the fact, that Miss Eve and Alvie were discussing something about this whore, without not even mentioning this whore presence. Like talking about some animal or even an object (and that's again very near to the reality for now).
Oh, it's so had to describe the mix of feelings from that moment. Here's just some of them:

• joy and happiness from completing the course, completing Miss order, being near Miss
• humiliation from being lowed to the ground and being muted, and restricted to ML,
• arouse from being humiliated and having nothing to do with that,
• even more aroused from being aroused from such awful and shameful things,
• submission to any decision of Miss Eve and 
• readiness to complete any Miss Eve order

Alvie has something else to do and leave very quick after that. Miss Eve lead this whore to a skybox (a fireplace) and had a talk with her. Yes, Miss Eve removed bits and bridle (with chat restrictions) and asked several questions. One of them was how whore feels about getting a OC Collar back. And whore felt really nothing about that and answered just common words about submitting to any Miss decisions. That was a mistake, as Miss wanted to get a direct answer about whore feeling. And after some tips from Miss, whore finally answered: "Whore feels ready for that, Miss". That was the answer Miss liked, but as it was said not at once, Miss decided to lock this whore into the cage for a 30 minutes, to have whore think about her style of answering (yes, it's a huge problem, as this whore can't answer short and direct,  always writing a lot about all questions aspects and some aspect laying close to the subject). Well, maybe it's just another story, and whore will write about it some time later...

Pet's feelings

Today whore finally met her owner again online (for some RL reasons whore was not online for more then a week). Whore was very-very glad, in spite of she can't say how glad she was, because of bits and bridle and chat restrictions. But hope Miss understood everything by a wide whore's smile.
Miss showed a new training course for her pet (this whore) and ordered to go through it. Unfortunately whore didn't notice the start mark and tried to pass it from the finish. After several remarks from Miss whore felt herself so silly (just like a stupid little puppy *blushes*). At last whore saw the green mark of the beginning and passed through it.
The course consists of a jumping area, climbing log and a log at some height, a pipe, a tumbler (where you can go only over the green spinning line) with a water bath under it, a log to come down to the ground level. You can see it all at a picture right below.

(a training ground for a dog-whore)

But whore must spoil before spin and failed the first pass completely: too long jumps and a fall down from tumbler. Miss demanded another try and that time whore completed the path. After landing to the finish spot, whore came to Miss with the overflowing feeling of happiness from completing Miss command. Whore tried to express it some way, but could only smile happily, listening Miss telling whore was a good pet. The only thin whore thought at that moment was th thought that she has made Miss Eve happy. And that thought was filling whore's soul with pleasure and joy. So whore looked upward at Miss with a happy smile on her face.

Right at that moment Miss Eve said: "I want you to think about something Whore. Look at how you are sitting here, bit and bridle, cuffs on, chasted.Over all, leashed to an owner, nothing more then an animal, not even with behavior. I tell you to do or not to do something, you obey. I want to know how this feels for you whore.". Whore had no chance to answer Miss at that moment (as pet was gagged by bits and bridle). And now whore can answer Miss: "Wonderful!". Whore has no idea how it works, but it works for her and that's absolutely clear. For some reason understanding the fact of all restrictions, total power exchange, absolute control and complete dependence makes this whore want to say something, but not anything particular, want to go somewhere, but nowhere particular and as a result -- whore stands still and silent. And the only thing, that can get whore out of that state is an order of her owner.
This is a mysterious feeling for whore, as she can't understand it, can't analyze it, but can watch it again and again inside her mind (in RL!!!!). And that's whore is thankful Miss Eve for.

PS. Maybe some day whore will find out the source and mechanism of that feeling, but as for now, whore will just feel it and be happy with it. Thank you again, Miss Eve for this wonderful emotional gift.