Why i like tease and denial

First, let me say i'm fine. It was quite a long time, since my last post and that time was full of events, but mostly not online. Main direction concerning BDSM is my further moving into setting it up in real life. I have not been online for quite a long and pipped inside SL just to see, if it's still going :)
I've got a RL partner, whom i'd like to control me. It's not that easy to achieve it with a vanilla partner, but i do my best to develop Dom side in my significant other. But let's come back to tease and denial.

Last month or so, i decided to try strict tease and denial in RL. I granted the right to permit my orgasms to my SO and stop from cumming when no one's looking (yes, that's my sin!). The result is really worth doing. And i do like it. The main change is surely in growing libido. The more i denied, the less i need to become aroused. Being teased and denied for a long period of time makes me ready for sexual activity nearly all the time. And what's more, i'm ready to try more and more different things.
For me, the main magic of a denial is in a moment, when you've been close to orgasm, but everything stopped and you are calming down. My sly mind start playing in a game, when i'm ready to do anything, just to have another chance to come to the edge and maybe orgasm. This is the moment, when i can be suggested to try some things, that i would never do previously. Hope some day someone will use this feature of mine for their pleasure.

Another wonderful thing in denial is the exhaustion after a long session, when edged a lot of time, denied all the time, tortured, humiliated (if you were lucky) and finally moved yourself into a state when you are full of hormones and other blood chemistry, like you've had an orgasm, but without actual orgasm. In this state you are laying flat, unable to move, moaning and shaking a bit with a white noise in you head. Extremely wonderful emotions.

On the other hand, when i permitted orgasm, it is good most of the times, but after it i feel some emptiness and some kind of loss and a bit emotionally depressed. And that's another argument for denial for me.

As there are some followers and readers, i'd like to ask do you like T&D and if so, what do you like in it and why? I'll be glad if you share with us.

Tattoos

Tatto can be like this... or much more complicated.

Life is going on. Unowned life. Second life is not a place i spend much time in. But still i've got what to tell.
Last time i've acted, i was told to earn money for the tattoos with some humiliating writings over the body. I really tried, but failed. I thought a bit and wondered if it's hard to make tattoos myself? I googled a bit and tried several times.
Finally i've got templates for different parts of avatar body. As i'm good at editing photos. So very soon i produced several humiliating writings over my body.
And now i offer o make tattoos to anyone. I'd like to make them for free, but unfortunately, uploading images into SL costs lindens. But i think that a 20$L for a tattoo is a fair price for it. Not 150 for a set of 2-3 tattoos, i've seen somewhere.
So, leave your ideas in comments and i'll call you in SecondLife for details.

The smell

Not the one i write about, but alike

Life is still going on. Not so much time in SL, but a lot of efforts to move to real life. Sometime those efforts bring new, sometime strange sensations.
Today i've entered office restroom and stopped. There was a discrete smell of sperm there. We've got several separate rooms, so men and women use the same rooms (but not at the same time :) ). So there can be something just have been done there.
I was trying to sniff the place, where the smell comes from. I did it behind the closed door, but still it seems so silly sniffing here and there everywhere in the rest room.
Unfortunately i didn't found the place with the most strong smell, everywhere is seemed the same. But i was thinking about for the rest of the day.
Later i understood, that it can be a smell from some cleaner or something like that. I think i just must have more sexual attention, to prevent thoughts like that :-)

Hope to write something else soon.

Submitting to a timelock

Working at home I had a big problem of disturbing myself by desire to read BDSM web sites. Sometimes I just couldn't stop myself doing it. It was a big problem, “eating” a lot of my time. So I had to protect myself from my own desire (as there was no one by my side powerful enough to order me).
After some kind of research I've got a filter on my computer to cut out myself from adult sites. It's small and very easy thing to deal with. I'ts called "K9 Web Protection".  It's free and just enough to pull the leash as a reminding. And this post is not about internet security :-)
The filter setup is protected by a password. To have no access to the setup I generate random password (15 characters long) and set it. The image with password I crypt with a Time Lock tool (it crypts images for some time)

So now I set a new password every day, crypt it in the morning for all day to have no access to adult sites during work hours. And in the evening I get the password and can spend some time, reading them. Setting different parameters of the Time Lock can make life easier or harder. One day, for example, random addition to the time made me wait until nearly midnight to have some minutes of unrestricted web surfing.

This scheme seems so good:

1. I have to spend all my time working.
2. The fact of limitation makes me feels submissive during the day, and I really need it.
3. The fact that a dumb computer has a power over me adds humiliation, and that’s what makes it all even more exciting.

What's even more interesting, the scheme (setting an unmemorable password and then crypt it for some time) can easily be added by another person. Other person can set TimeLock parameters, can even keep a key and give it when he decides I deserve it. With some additional configuring a remote person can even has an access to the filter setting directly, so he can change the password and parameters without me even knowing it.

Maybe you can think some other ideas about this scheme? Feel free to share.

PS. Oh, I think I really need someone to submit to. :-)

At the wall...

At first, I must confess and thanks Miss Eve. Her SL training and degradation has some effect in RL on me. Yes, after all those words she told me about me, my nature and my place in SL, somehow my RL perception changed a bit (a bit?). From time to time I feel a need of some RL action and they become more and more wild every time.

I can remember the first anal experiments several years ago. Now it seems I really need something inside my rare. There are many more examples, but today I want to tell about some public actions. I'm not an exhibitioner, so I don't want someone to see me.However a thought about sexual activity in a public place makes me very excited.

I swim regularly. And sometimes locker room and a room with shower cubicles are absolutely empty (but there always a chance for someone to come inside). However there's a WC with a lock on the way from showers to the locker room. That gave me an idea of some semi-public activity I can afford myself.
One day I felt horny and decided to go to the WC room, and has an edge (I'm not permitted orgasms in RL) there. It was wonderfully disgusting and so humiliating: standing there before the toilet bowl and understand that everything you want is to scream and shake in a powerful orgasm and you has no permission for it. I must confess -- I liked that feeling *blushes* *blushes* *blushes*.

Some time later I repeated it once again... then one time more, standing on my knees in the WC room, feeling all  the smells of the room, hearing some people washing and going behind the door, imagine myself abused and forced to do it, feeling myself dirty, small and useless (I hate self mindfucking, but sometime it can give a lot of additional emotions).

Today I was at the pool, as usual. I had no mood for swimming, so it was not like a sport training, but just a peaceful flowing from one side of the pool to another.

I had to stop, put on clothes and move on.

After time was over, I went to the locker room. There was no one there. I felt a warmth of incipient arousal inside me. I was in the locker room and I decided to edge right there. I start pinching my nipples and very soon my breath became hard and quick. I was rubbing myself, trying to be quiet. At some point I made a step back and pushed my bottom to the cold tile wall. To make it even more sensitive, i leaned forward to touch the wall only by my ass. That gave another wave of arousal. I imagine someone's cold body touching my bottom, penetrate me, making me full of lust and desire, without any emotions in himself. I felt myself so disgraced. I looked at myself from the side: heavy breathing, leaned forward, legs spread, ass pushing to the wall, hands rubbing the most sensitive spots with a strong desire for an orgasm inside, ready to fuck anything, including a cold wall to fulfill the need for release. At this moment I had to stop touching myself to prevent orgasm. A quite moan of disappointment came out of my throat, as i understood that there are no touches for me left and I have to put on clothes and move on....

PS. I see a trend of my feelings at the pool locker room and I'm afraid how far will it get.

PPS. Picture source is another blog.

Things I like in the SL

As a training of this girl starts, Mistress Helen Schapira show her as a powerful and demanding person. She underlines that this girl is not only a pony, but a slave, that matters. And as a slave, this girl must behave and be treated certain way.
In spite of this girls begging Mistress disabled her IMs (I was having a conversation with a person, who seems to be a prof. in humiliation). Mistress banned this girl sex activity in SL, and you know it always was hard for me*winks*.
Finally, Mistress gave her slave a task to make a list of things slave likes the most in SL. She mentioned, that those things she will take away from me as a sign of my enslavement or as a punishment, if she will want to do so.
I asked Mistress about a deadline of this task, and she told, that it must be ready, as soon, as she'll see me. That's why I have to avoid SL, until this task is done. And that's by it's own is a kind of punishment :-)

I broke the list to 3 groups:
SL only related things:
- I like sitting, listening to the group chats, reading profiles. It can be interesting and you can meet interesting people there for chat or even some actions.
- I like chatting with people on different kink topics.
- I like meeting people and have some RP or action play (not with everyone, but there are some realy good RPs)
- I'm fond of looking to profiles, groups descriptions, etc., searching for some new SIMs, where I'v never been to.
- I like to visit new SIMs, explore them, maybe act a bit in them. After that I add them to my Favs., or leave them and forget about them. When there are no new SIMs to visit, I revisit my favorites, starting from the most old ones.

Semi RL
- I like to use SL as a kind of a break while i work, it makes my mind a bit clear from working thoughts and problems

RL
- SL makes me sexually excited often... and periodically i can't stand from touching myself in RL... *blushes* and I like it in SL anyway.

Ok, I think that's all. Now I'm ready to come back online and see Mistress Helen Schapira :-)

To everything...there is a season - turn, turn, turn... (c) The Birds

After some time of inactivity, problems with RL, researches in SL and RL. I'm back to SL (finally). To move further, to learn more about myself, to develop my submissive side, to learn more about myself as a submissive.

After a period of wandering through SIMs, chatting with people and making new friends, I've met a strong willed person: Mistress Helen Schapira. It happened accidentally, as many valuable things happens. I was moving through a SIM with a lot of ponyplay stuff. And on one of the circle I've two women and a ponygirl. One woman was telling another what she need to do, going round the circle. Her tone of voice was calm and steady, but at the same moment demanding and leaving no space for misunderstanding or disobedience. That was Mistress Helen Schapira. I came closer and watched them for a while... them Mistress Helen asked if I was interested in ponyplay, I answered, that it's nice, but I'm not a fan... however, when she learned that I want to try and have some gear, she told me to wear it and after that there were no chance to say "no" for me (her manner of speech just make me obey for some reason). Very soon I was running in the circle, listening to the clicks of Mistress whip.
I thought a lot next day... I definitely liked the way Mistress Helen treated me and addressed me. There is something in her manner of speech, absolutely hypnotizing me, it makes me want to obey her. And finally, I asked Mistress Helena, if she'd like to take me as her pony-slave for a trial period of one week And she agreed!
That's how it came so, that I'm owned again.

(I submits Miss Helen Schapira in stables of PPP)

I have no idea of what Mistress is planning for me as her slave. However, she has Gorean experience and has tendency to treat and address me a bit Gorean style. Maybe she will train me for it? I don't know and submit to her choice and will. And that make my submissive part spread wider inside my mind (what a pleasant feeling).

PS. Mistress Helen Schapira is not against this blog, so, hope I will have more things to share with you here.